he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
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where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks