pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.