Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.