Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me