I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
