You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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