My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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