my sisters under your porch take her home
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i drank out of a bidet.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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