I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize