I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
