is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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