i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
