Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
