I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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