Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
