For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
