Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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