I'm going to jail i love you
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
