His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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