all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
