I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and she was petting her beer can
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Randomize
