I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
