You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
