Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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