shes about as inviting as chlamydia
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
