What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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