i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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