UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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