drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
