He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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