But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
