i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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