last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
