when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
