Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
