**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
