using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The uberlube is also flammable
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
