omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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