im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
