My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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