so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
