So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
