Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
