sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
