guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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