if you like me you must not know who I am
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
