we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
