fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
