the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
