He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
