My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
