Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
