You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
