She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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