You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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