fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
