Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
