Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
