dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
