He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize