What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
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Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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