I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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