Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We need to rekindle our bromance
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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