just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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