Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
