just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
