It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
