I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
