I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
